迷悟之间 - “我以为”构建的假现实

在某个寺院的结缘书角落，我被一套彩虹色、装帧精美的书籍吸引。那是星云大师写的《迷悟之间》系列，整整十二册。

虽然我很想每一本都读，但我知道，以我读书的节奏，及有限时间里，肯定没有时间把它们全部翻阅完毕。除非我有以下这位仁兄的阅读能力：

可惜我没有，所以我决定用一种更“禅意”的方式：我闭上眼睛，平心静气，观想宇宙一定会帮我安排，给予我此时此刻最需要的知识与提醒，来面对我人生的新阶段。

睁开眼，滑过十二册书名，我选了《管理三部曲》。深吸一口气，在呼气的同时随意翻阅，直到气尽，手指停下。正巧，落在了《我以为》这一篇。

读后感：

“我以为”，是一个以自我为核心，用主观的假设、预想与理解，而构建出来的假现实。

套用陈贤友（这是一个人，他的名字不是贤友，他姓陈，是一名贤友，所以叫陈贤友）和我分享过的，这是一个Wishful Thinking。

在这个假现实里，我们每天都在上演着各种剧本：

• “我以为你吃饱了才回来。”（结果还要再煮，或出去买，或饿肚子）
• “我以为你会去接孩子。”（结果孩子在校门口苦等）
• “我以为你今天会把这个任务交给我。”（结果进度被拖延，工作印象分被扣）
• “我以为不会下雨。”“我以为10分钟可以到，所以没有这么早准备。”

更有甚者，“我以为”成了推卸责任的神器：

• “我一拳打过去只是要吓吓他，我以为他会来得及避开。”
• “我以为今天是假期，所以没做。”
• “我以为他/她会服软，先跟我道歉。”（结果就一直冷战）
• “我以为你们都不喜欢吃炸鸡，所以我就全吃完咯……”

当然，很多“我以为”纯粹是一种贪婪或恐惧的妄想：

• “我以为股市已经要反弹了，结果被套牢。”
• “我以为这个号码终有一天会让我中头奖。”
• “我以为我会考到6分。”（结果考到5分）*注：SOA考试要6分才及格
• “我以为我的咳嗽过几天就好。”
• 甚至（老特）也会想：“我以为伊朗会怕我们……”

这些“我以为”，带给我们的往往是失望、争吵、损失，甚至是无法挽回的后果。因为我们活在自己构建的“假想”里，而不是真实的“现实”中。

佛法里讲“如实智见”，对应这个再合适不过。

这里分享吉祥尊者说过的“如实智见”。

要走出“我以为”的迷雾，我觉得，有时只需多做一步：求证。 

多问一句，多看一眼，多思考一秒，多查一下，就能证实到底是“主观以为”还是“客观现实”。求证的过程，就是把那些虚假的预设一步步剥离的过程。

人这一生，最可怕的“以为”之一，莫过于：“我以为我很健康，我以为我最少能活到70岁。”

正因为这个关于‘时间’的巨大假想，我们才敢理直气壮地拖延，把陪伴家人、照顾身体这些最重要的事排在末位。直到无常毫无预警地敲门，我们才惊觉，那个‘以为能活到70岁’的念头，不过是一个毫无根基、弱不禁风的幻觉。到了那一刻，或许我们也只能在临终前，弱弱地进行最后一次‘我以为’：“我以为……我至少能上天堂吧？”（如果天堂是真的话）。

许多事情，许多考量，或安排，不要停留在“我以为”，要变成我知道。（是真知道哦，不是我以为的我知道）

有兴趣看星云大师原文的可以按这里，没有兴趣看的也请看一看大师所写的，大师的智慧，肯定能让你更加收益，让我们都能经常亲近智者，远离愚人：

星云大师 - 我以为

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法领深活 · 实践中深化法领

三月下旬，带着是否要重返职场这重大考量的心情，我走进了吉隆坡法域（Dhamma Earth KL），参加了为期四天的“法领深活 · 实践中深化法领”课程。(法领是法的领导学的简称，已经办了7届，这一次是让之前参与过的学员来更深度了解及学习）

我参与的目的，是希望学习如何“如理作意”，将佛法引用到工作管理与领导中，寻得一套可以依据的正确方法，同时也希望通过禅修培育定力。

虽然课程内容并非直接的“职场通关手册”，但尊者拨云见日的开示，却在更高维度上为我理清了人生的战略（可见度从 20% 提升到 60%，算是很棒的跨越了）。

战略与战术：别在迷雾中盲目奔跑

尊者深入浅出地剖析了“战略（Strategy）”与“战术（Tactics）”的本质区别：

• 战略：为实现长期目标而制定的取舍、核心优势及资源分配的总方向。

• 战术：落实这些方向的具体行动、方法与步骤。

生活中，我们往往容易陷入“战术勤奋”的陷阱。

比如：一个人决定“每天跑五公里”（战术），却从未想过为什么要跑。如果他的战略目标是“明年参加全马”，那这五公里的配速就需与饮食配合，然后逐步提升，才有意义，而不是一直跑五公里。毫无战略的战术执行很快会因动力枯竭而中断，最终迷失方向。

我认为，战略意志的缺失，才是职场与人生焦虑的根源。（也可能只是其中之一的根源，但肯定有关系吧）。

快乐的等级：十六分之一和十六分之十五的快乐

在追求快乐的路上，尊者引经据典，提到快乐分为：获得的快乐、享用的快乐、无债务的快乐以及无过失的快乐。

*后面自己借用谷歌查寻到尊者已经帮我们白话了，其出处是《增支部》中的《无负债经》，我ctrl+C, ctrl+V和大家分享:

拥有乐（Atthi-sukha）：因拥有以正当手段获得的财富而感到快乐。
受用乐（Bhoga-sukha）：在受用、享用合法财富时感到快乐。
无债乐（Anaṇa-sukha）：不论财富多少，不负债、无债务纠纷而感到的安心与快乐。
无罪乐（Anavajja-sukha）：因为身、口、意三业清净，通过如法行为获得财富而产生的毫无愧疚的快乐

尊者说，经典提到前三者（物质与财务上的快乐）加起来，竟然不及“无罪乐”的十六分之一。

坦白说，还非常世俗的我虽能理解，但并未能完全放下那个十六分之一。如果有哪位看到这一段而可以放下物质财务的，请把你放下的财富放在我家门前（注：是财务，不是债务！千万别放错）。

尊者教导我们要拉长时间维度，不要在百米短跑里计较输赢。成就今生的快乐（短期）需技巧、护财、贵人与均衡；成就未来（中长期）则需在信、戒、施、慧上深耕。这部分意境深远，有一点Deep，等我功力提升后再来重温。

从“双赢”到“共惠”：全方位观照

另一个让我印象深刻的观点是关于“价值创造”。 尊者提到的不是简单的“互惠互利（Win-Win）”，因为有时两人的双赢可能建立在第三方的损失上。我们要追求的是“共惠共利”——让所有牵涉其中的因缘都能获益。这种全方位的考量（5 Elements of Contemplation），要求我们从时间（过去/现在/未来）、内外缘、粗细程度、优劣取舍以及远近距离去全面观照。

我知道这5 elements of contemplation 可能不容易理解，所以我借用了AI 帮忙来个例子，我又再ctrl+C, ctrl+V和大家分享：

很多人想通过运动变健康，但往往只看“粗”和“近”，结果半途而废。如果用这五个维度去观照，视野会立刻不同：

1. 时间（Time）：不仅看“现在”我想减肥，更要看“过去”是什么习惯导致了现在的体质？“未来”我希望 60 岁时拥有什么样的行动力？

2. 内在与外在（Internal & External）：我的体质（内缘）适合高强度还是温和的运动？我周围是否有支持我的跑团或家人（外缘）？

3. 粗与细（Coarse & Subtle）：体重秤上的数字是“粗”，容易看到；但运动后睡眠质量的提升、情绪的稳定、气血的顺畅，则是“细”，需要用心觉察。

4. 优与劣（Superior & Inferior）：晨跑的“优”是空气好、开启动力；“劣”可能是睡眠不足。我们要根据自己的作息去优化选择，避开那些让我们产生挫败感的安排。

5. 远与近（Far & Near）：由于“近”期肌肉酸痛就想放弃？还是为了“远”期那份不给家人添负担的独立生活而坚持？

通过这种全方位的观照，你会发现运动不再是一件痛苦的“战术任务”，而是一个清晰的“人生战略”。

战略不是一成不变的，而是动态的观照。就像健身，第一阶段的定位是每天走 5 公里，目标达成后需重新检讨定位：是维持现状，还是进阶调理？职场亦然，阶段性的成功是为下一阶段的战略腾出空间。不执着于当下得失，才能通往最终愿景。

感恩与结语

这次的学习让我明白，所谓的“战略”并非心机，而是一种大局观的智慧。

在此，首先要感谢法域道场，佛护尊者，慧主尊者的陪伴，开示，还有法务人员（为法服务的人员，或义工）的无私付出（课程安排，住宿，吃，喝，拉，等），还有每个参与者的互动，讨论，法域里真的个个卧虎藏龙，感谢每个人事物带来的因缘。也要特别感谢 Brother Ong 慷慨提供的顺风车便利；也深深感谢两位中医师的义诊与调理，缓解了我手指与背部的宿疾，更无私分享了宝贵的健康知识。

这次课程通过一个高纬度的实战大项目，让我们模拟如何制定战略。虽然这些方法不能直接“Plug and Play”，但它给了我一个框架。接着，便是回到生活里“自净其意”，引用到个人。

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My Farewell Note to GML IFRS17

This post is dedicated to my ex-colleagues from Company A which later became Company G. I wrote this in English because few of them are Banana(s), and I committed to write this without passing through ChatGPT or Copilot to ensure it keep the 100% originality. SO, if you find any bad grammar, or some words/sentences not beautifully written, please shift the focus on it’s authenticity and the gratitude message that I want to deliver.

I supposed to write and post this on my last day 15^th. But because I started my new job on 16^th and the new job requires my immediate attention, and 100% dedication, so I have been dragging and now only I managed to find some times to sit peacefully, to reflect, and to share few words from the bottom of my heart. Let’s DELAY NO MORE.

Definitely there are few colleagues that had placed a heavier weight in my heart than others, and the weight may or may not goes in proportion with your actual body weight. There are several factors affecting the weight (not body weight), just to name a few:

(some are adding to the weight, some are subtracting, and I’m not gonna tell you which is which)

1. The length of time that we worked together, or spent together in gym
2. the tasks/project/hardship that we went through together,
3. the frequency of our thinking, or the topic of interest that we shared,
4. the amount of food that you cannot finish and let me eat,
5. the laugh/smile you react to my cold/lame joke
6. the amount of rolled eyes you given me
7.  …..

 

Regardless of the weight, we had created lots of precious memories together. So now I am going to thank each and every “surviving” colleagues.

 

Andy T

Let me start with you, Andy T, as we have worked together the longest. We knew each other virtually during MCO, and by just looking at your name (not Andy) I thought you are girl. 😅You have been very kind and patience in providing help and support for many things, be it work related, planning for team activities, away day, festive celebration, sports, and many more. Without you in the company, the fun of working will be greatly reduced, and the time spent to think for where to lunch will be doubled. (luckily I ciao before you ciao) Thanks for bringing us lots of nice desserts to treat us. 😍

 

CSR (not Corporate Social Responsibility)

My best partner since I rejoin the Company, both of us formed the alliance of左青龙，右白虎 to support our superior. (sorry for exposing your age, but no one can ever tell your true age from your appearance, always looks 12 years younger than your actual age). I always admire your foresight, on how you plan for the tasks and resources ahead, and iron out the road map to consistently deliver decent quality of works. The dedication you poured into the works is unparalleled, while you may appear offline in Teams, but yet can reply in split seconds.  😅 You had raised the bar too high for your successor.

 

Evy

Thanks God, you joined the team at the most critical time where I just about to lose my right hand (Niic). Honestly without you it will be chaotic to me, and I sincerely grateful for it. Same like CSR, Niic had raised the bar too high for her successor, yet you managed to cover and provide solid support despite your exposure with 17 is minimal. You had delivered way beyond my expectation, where you had shown great independence, sharpness, accountability, adaptability, flexibility, and many more _____-bility.

 

FooSY (Hugo)

Surprise! Why I write you first? Because at some point I thought to just write in alphabetic order. 😂 Not really know you long and well enough to write much, but the QBR slides that you prepared are really nice and pro.

 

Gwyneth

I never know you got ang moh name “Gwyneth” until you work here. 😅 Supposedly you ciao before me, mana tahu you get extended and extended until now I ciao liao, you still there. Don’t know got one day you will be extended until permanent? Our relationships is complex, and I don’t feel like write it out…. You know I know lar…. And this is the.. 2^nd? Or 3^rd time you farewell with me? Haha. Anyway, I am certain our path will cross again in the future…. Let’s wait and see.

Jie Yee

Thanks God, you joined the team at the most critical time where I just about to lose my left hand (MM). Honestly without you it will be chaotic to me, but less chaotic than Evy’s case abovementioned, because MM eventually extended her notice period 😅 Nevertheless, I also sincerely grateful for it. Thanks for bravely accepted the challenging task (Group RA, I could never forget) although it may seem like an alien to you at that point of assignment. Anyway, you survived~ 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

 

Kin Sang

You have the greatest (body) weight among all. It is so motivating to see you starts your diet plan, and then it is so demotivating to see you stops your diet plan…… I really look forward to see the slim version of you. Please make it happens. 💪

 

Nicholas

Oh my Gym partner, so sad that I can never smell your sweat, and also listen to the “careless whisper” together while lifting weight… Damn this sounds too gay. 🤮 🤮 Originally want to get you to my team, mana tahu you rejected me, then later go join CSR 😡Everything happens for a good reason, and because of your rejection, I can maintain my profile as 韦小宝, and you seems to fit well and better under CSR.. so, ok lar. Please learn well from CSR, she has a high bar for you to raise, don’t need go gym to do the BAR-bell raise.

 

Roger

I can only think of 有间面馆…… because you ordered twice… (I also ordered my 麻辣twice).

Always heard from Edward that how pro you are at the coding, the legacy you left at company M, and the legendary stories of you. Sadly that you just joined for a while, then I have to go, unable to witness your superpower here. Take care for your health (but I don’t know how for your case), I guessed one of it is to not over-work ba.

 

Teng LY

Thanks God, you joined the team at the most critical time where I just bid farewell to my backbone (JL). Honestly without you it will be chaotic to me, and I sincerely grateful for it. You have been learning fast, and roll eyes also very fast. If I took a picture every time you gave me an eye-roll 🙄, I think I need to buy the 2TB Iphone only enough storage.

Vivian

You are a very cheerful and funny person, I always think of 哈小美 when I see you. And when I see 哈小美 I think of you. And because my kids like to watch the cartoon, so I think of you a lot of times… 🙄 Thanks for involuntarily volunteered yourself to be the team fund treasurer. Don’t simply trade stocks based on tips or news, you will see the money easy come, easy go. 💸

 

YT

Sorry you are the last, because no one’s name starts with Z. 😅 We have worked together closely long before you being transferred to my team. You always so responsive, and sometimes you are the only person who react/response to my lame joke, or left a emoji for my messages. 🙏🏻 I will never forget the 25Q1, when we both worked past midnight just to fix the R&C for INRE. It was bitter at that time, and now when think back, it is still bitter. 😂

Please don’t create this bitter memory with others, leave it exclusively with me.

 

Phew, finally I have done leave a personalized messages for all the surviving colleagues. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

As for the non-surviving, my right hand (Niic), left hand (MM), backbone (JL), brain (CL) I would also like to take this chance to thank you all, collectively. (Sorry no personalized messages for you, but I will write upon request).

Lastly, I want to say to everyone: “without you, I could never be where I am today.” I am truly grateful that each of you has been part of my life journey. I have become better because of meeting you all, and I hope you all become better because of meeting me.